Life comes at you fast...

I said I would never blog again, it takes a lot of effort when you really don't have things on your mind. As I sit here listening to superman by Robin Thicke(thanks soul) I can't even begin to sort out the mess that's in my mind. I'm sure you've already guessed from my gloomy disposition that I'm "heartbroken"(that actually sounds silly), normally I would just go buy a pint of Haagen Dazs, listen to an empowering cd and dust myself off but this time I can't even think of basic things without getting really low. To be honest I don't think it's just the break up. I mean I'll miss him and all. I allowed myself love him more than I ever have anyone before, I opened up to him about things I swore I would take to the grave(HUGE MISTAKE), he became my confidant, my OWN and to have that all gone without actually understanding HOW is a lot to swallow.

I'll give you a little background(I plan on remaining as anonymous as possible so dates and cities may be changed through out my blog). Last year was an extremely difficult year, I was involved with someone who had baggage. His baggage(read ex) decided to make it difficult for us to be together. I couldn't check my email without wading through threatening and warning emails(by the way these ppl are all above 25), like most ppl do I ignored the threats until they pulled a stunt that caught my attention. I should have bowed out then cause he obviously was more important to them but I defiantly continued the relationship with him(lets call him F), things got better, our bond grew stronger and then he came to see me. We live on opposite ends of the earth so I was really thrilled that he came, while he was here things were great but then that little thing called fidelity was brought up and he confessed that he wouldn't be able to be 100% faithful. I was stunned but appreciated his honesty, we tried to be friends at first but things got complicated and we grew apart. It hurt a little but nothing major, that was until IT happened. Around september my year and world actually took a huge thrashing, I was dragged into the kind of mess mothers warn their daughters not to be caught in. I found myself defending my character to my family members(they supported me but wanted to know why I would be involved in such nonsense). I would love to give you an idea of "the mess" I speak of but it would become too easy for anyone who knows me and to be honest others who might not to start playing detective about my identity and I would love to blog without being guarded.

I cut off from a lot of people and things, I stopped going out with friends and stopped talking to most people on the phone. I buried myself in blog world(thanks guys, your blogs gave me much needed distraction) and that's when I rediscovered him(let's call him S). I had met him a couple of times in Lagos but we weren't really close, anyway we started emailing and chatting on MSN(damn MSN) and slowly we both opened up. I think we healed each other of deep rooted issues and pain, we probably should have stayed friends but oh well. We sorted out some "administrative" issues and started dating...

To be continued

By the way my blog is goint to be filled with spelling and grammatical errors for now cause I really can't be bothered...sorry.